Well, I'm glad this community is staying active. This makes me happy.
I've been doing quite well. There's been no cutting, no other forms of self injury. I'm proud.
I had this huge realization that my mom has her body image issues projected onto me, so I'm finally freed of this HUGE burden I've been carrying with me for such a long time. I'm fine with the way I look, and I MEAN it.
I've been having one anxiety attack after the next recently, and I'm paralyzed with fear about my futute. My therapist says it's because I'm going back to school in the fall, after a hiatus, and I'm worried about slipping into the same rut I was in when I dropped out, but I don't think it's the case.
I mean, I'm worried about when I'm out of college, and on my own. I'm worried about rent, groceries, my retirement plan, and being an old, crippled woman who has no friends when she's 75. Does anyone else get this?
I know it stems from my paralyzing fear of being alone. If I ever had wanted to off myself in the past, it was not because I was so depressed I couldn't go on, and all that dramatic bullshit. It was because I was afraid to live alone when I was 30. I still am.
I feel that, since most of you have shared your stories with all of us here, I'll be the next to share my story with you. It's something I wrote awhile ago, when I was hospitalized. (When you're in the psychiatric ward, they often make you write an autobiography.) It will be LJ-cut and friends only.
If you need any support, or someone to talk to, I'm always here for you.
Take care, girls!